Soul Metamorphosis

Twin Flames… it’s been a hell of a journey and for anyone in the midst of it, being on the other side of the most painful part, the one thing I would tell you is to stop looking for the obvious. We all fall into this wanting the great love of our life, but in truth, if we let go of that, if we back up and just let the experience roll over us, we are left with more gifts than we can ever imagine and we are changed at the very core of our being.

It has been two months since I’ve spoken to my twin, but the effects on my life from the year and a half we spent together are still revealing themselves every day.

I’m in the process of a re-birth of sorts, a soul metamorphosis if you will. Since the beginning of October, my entire life has been changing. I’ve noticed a transformation going on within me that has healed and changed so much of my life long emotional issues and strengthened, not only my faith, but my belief in myself and in the metaphysical.

For the first time ever in my life, I’m willing to say without hesitation that I am most definitely psychic, empathic, and VERY intuitive and that all these things have worth. All my life these gifts have been my handicap, they’ve been the things I had to learn to work around so I didn’t offend, annoy or otherwise bother the people around me.

You know what?


I’ve learned instead to simply fill my life with people who love those traits in me.

What a concept!

In October, I lost nearly every relationship that was important to me including my Twin Flame, but that didn’t end me the way I had always feared. In fact, right now, I have new friends, I have strengthened relationships with people I’ve known a long time, but never really knew, and new people are coming into my life unlike ever before. I met the most remarkable woman at Disney last week and I am very hopeful a friendship will blossom there. There is the hope of new romance in my future and the core relationships of my life have all been shored up and solidified, even Mark, whom I adore beyond all reason, is back in my life. This is truly a most exciting time for me.

I’ve finally found total surrender to god and the universe, but more, I’ve found total acceptance of me.

It’s remarkable how much that can change your life. I will never again allow anyone in my life to act like I’m a secret, a burden, or something they love, but just can’t accept all of. I’ve discovered that there are people out there that truly do love everything about me, from my psychic gifts and spirituality, to my dorkiness and silliness and I will never again accept a romantic relationship into my life with a man who doesn’t love both my intense sexuality AND spirituality, and can accept them without shame. I’ve never had that before and I want it badly now!

On the whole, I’m seeing now, in light of the new relationships I’m building, that I’ve never been in relationships where I didn’t feel that I had to hide a part of myself, or at least temper it so that the other person wouldn’t be uncomfortable. From my family, to my marriage, to my friendships, it’s like I’ve only every found people that would accept pieces of me, but never the whole of me… then Tony happened and I realized my own worth for the first time ever, not because Tony accepted me, but in truth, it was because he didn’t.

It’s that pesky mirror thing again. lol I not only saw myself and my worth reflected back on me through him, but because of the Twin Flame properties, I watched in an almost third person sort of way while he rejected who I was, even while he loved and admired it and I realized that was a direct reflection of my own self. I like who I am, but I not only tolerate, but welcome people into my life who don’t. That says something about myself and when I was forced to look at it through the mirror of the TF, I saw that it was me all along who didn’t accept all the pieces of me. I think that was a truly amazing gift I received from the Twin Flame. Because as we are mirrors of one another to the utmost degree, I watched Tony do to me, what I’d always done to me, and in that moment, I just stopped.

Feeling that pain, mixed with the disgust over what he was doing, I simply saw the mirrored reflection of myself and decided that behavior wasn’t acceptable from Tony and it sure as hell wasn’t acceptable from me.

This of course was just a long line of revelations and life alterations I made from loving and experiencing my other half. I’m working on a non-fiction book of all of this, but it’s taking longer than I had hoped because I can only work on it for a day before needing a break from it. There is still so much rawness over it all, but someday soon, I’ll have that book ready and it’s going to be one hell of a read! Deep passion, romance, heartache, the lessons I learned and how loving Tony changed me forever.

I think for as much pain and heartache that the Twin Flame brought through my life, the lessons and the soul deep changes it brought me were so above and beyond whatever cost I paid.

All that being said, I’m beside myself giddy over the new year!

I have so many plans and having nearly gone all the way through this tunnel my guides put me in, I am changed on nearly every level, so everything I’m doing and planning now is so above and beyond anything I’ve done in the past… yet I have no fear of it. Crazy, right? :-)

I love my life so much right now and I cannot wait to see things manifest in the new year.

For the first time ever in my life, I’m managing things. I have three different projects going on and I have a grip on it all. I’m writing, I’m upping my presence in social media, *rolls eyes and expresses sympathy for all you who follow me* ;-) I’m losing weight at an extraordinary rate all because my food issues were healed, I’m making friends and living my life… finally!

This is truly the most exciting time of my life so far, I’m all lit up inside all the time. The other night I was so excited about my future, I couldn’t sleep. It was like being a kid again the night before I knew we were going to Disneyland. It was awesome. I wake up every morning with such hope and gratitude. My meditations are consistent for the first time in my life, I’m cooking again, I’m playing the Sims again, I’m very ineffectively trying to obedience train my pups who I have completely fallen in love with… good god but life is GOOD!

So many people gave me such a hard time for loving Tony. I heard over and over how I needed to walk away, how he wasn’t worth it, how he’d never love me or respect me… on and on and on. I would not be the woman I am right now, with the future I have ahead of me, if I had walked away.

Yes, it was painful.

No, he didn’t treat me right.

Yes, I even understand that I was not pleasant to be around while I was with him.

But I was safe with him, he is my other half, and it was exactly the experience I needed in order to transcend into the woman I’d always wanted to be. He gave me things of more worth than any other person I’ve ever known and I will never regret for one second staying in that relationship to the bitter end because I finally have my wings and I can fly.